Super Woman

You don’t know this about me, but I have a super power.

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I am basically Super Woman.  And I look like that, too, after I finish these sit-ups and recover from my boob job.

My super power was a magical gift inherited from my Dad’s side of the family.

There isn’t one name or easy way to describe it. It’s not like “flying” or “x-ray vision.”

It is more of an ethereal type of gift, like Spider Man but feminine. (The man has spider webs eject from his hands. It the weirdest and coolest super power at the same time).

My super power is something along the lines of:

If you want to get married, date me first!

Guaranteed your last stop before the altar, folks.

In discussing this over a group text, my girlfriend replied in disbelief, “Nooo. Not true!”

I kid you not, within moments of this response, *copy* *paste* and I am greeted by an Instagram photo of an ex who literally proposed to his girlfriend this week.

I am genuinely, incredibly happy with this news. We were “Just Dating,” and I always knew he loved his girl. I was his biggest fan for going back to her actually, because you can’t deny true love, you know?

And so he did and that was years ago… and now they are going to tie the knot. Awwww.

That wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have a roladex of these instances.

If we go back to preschool (my first love), it started with H.J. (don’t ask me why his parents thought it was acceptable to name their child after a –). As far as I know, HJ was single all of elementary school and high school, then met his wife (ironically named Katherine) in college.

Then there was my real first love, Tyler. He was my high school sweetheart. He, too, went on to college, met the love of his life (Katie) and married a few years out of college.

Like wtf. Why are you guys breaking up with me, then marrying the girl with my same name? Beat a girl while she’s already down.

Then there’s college. I dated a total of three guys in college. Two out of the three went on to marry their wives, which I am very happy about. Again, both wonderful, deserving guys and I give them my blessing because their wives’ names are not a derivative of “Katherine.”

Then polling the past ten years, a total of two men I have dated married their wives after dating me.

That leaves us with a total of six. Six men that I have dated found “The One” after we have parted ways. Now if that isn’t a real life super power, then I don’t know what is.

Published by Katie Jones

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