Fuck Off, Spider. Spider, Fuck Off.

Tonight on my agenda. Smoking a bowl and getting ready for bed. I ripped a hit and examined my face in the mirror. Letting the smoke cloud block the mirror.

Out of the corner of my eye I see a spider. A massive one. It looks fuzzy and brown but it kind of has a red tint. I freak the fuck out. Nope. Fuck Off with this. (Alternating. Looking at the ceiling and the spider on the ground.) I said. I said no more “alone “spiders. I’m not doing this anymore. I’m tired, I’m done.

I stare at the spider. Held captive in my bathroom. I had just smoked and was contemplating eating more food when suddenly I spy with my little eye a big fucking spider.

But I calm myself down. I grab some toilet paper. To be honest when I ripped it off I really didn’t know which way I was going. Free or Kill. I have a stand off with it. Telling it to leave my apartment and don’t come back. I ball up the Quilted Northern. I open the front door. Prepping my exit strategy. I return to the bathroom. I remind myself that fear is just an illusion. I start to get the shakes, anyways. I tell myself to stop and focus.

I dive on the spider. I get it perfectly wedged in the paper. Trapped but still alive. I gently bolt outside and place the paper on the ground. I wait for the spider to leave its cushion but I lose sight of it. Sorry. I try to be kind and always do the right thing. But I left that paper on the ground and went back inside. Who knows where that thing might be hiding. I’m not getting bit.

Anyways, maybe the spider was sent to spy on me. Maybe the spider was sent to stop me from eating more corndogs. To remind me I’m brave when I need to be but also, merciful.

All I know is, I’m sick of dealing with this shit alone. And I’m out of corndogs, again. Maybe that’s where the guy who is supposed to deal with these kinds of house hold duties is…

…buying me more corndogs. I’ll allow it.

#blessed #ThankYouSpider

-Shea

 

I wrote this while wearing my favorite sweats from Wal-Mart (thank you, Katie Jones) and a hand me down American Apparel hoodie (thank you, Syd) standing in the bathroom or lounging in bed. I wasn’t planning on posting tonight.

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