Friends with Benefits: one step closer to FBO or round about on your way to Breakupsville?
Any married person might say Breakupsville for sure. Yet I’m not sure. Then again I’m also not married.
I’ve often struggled with the various titles for relationships anyway.
I’ve met someone. I’m talking to someone. Now I’m seeing someone, now we’re dating. We’re in a relationship (he’s my boyfriend) to a serious relationship. Living together, engaged, married… now divorced. Oops, I mean happily ever ever after with 2.5 kids, a dog and white picket fence.
So where does “friends with benefits” fit in anyway? Somewhere between I met someone and we’re seeing each other… naked?
It seems like the most effed up situation, yet several men I’ve polled lately are completely pro friends with benefits.
I learned this for the first time in 6th grade when my first boyfriend broke up with me (we were “in a relationship,” but not in a “serious relationship” because we weren’t talking about marriage).
I was so stunned.
“I really, really like you… It’s just, you know, I want to keep my options open for 7th grade, you know?”
No, I don’t know, Brett.
But how did it feel all of 7th grade to have a huge crush on me while I dated your friend, Justin?
(Side note: Brett is currently a registered sex offender, and Justin is gay and fabulous.)
For all the times I am dry and sarcastic. This is not one of them… I am so good at dating….
But really though, why did Brett need to keep his options open? (He never got another girlfriend until college, by the way.)
So obviously Brett and I were never friends with benefits, because C’MON PEOPLE, we were in the 6th grade!
But I wonder if there is an innate, animalistic need for men to be on the hunt. The classic “men are hunters and women are berry gathers” situation. Men don’t really need monogony, right, they just need to spread their seed?
I just hate that though. I believe men want personal, meaningful relationships too. They want to feel loved, respected, desired, like they are in charge of the Man Cave.
So if they want something meaningful, why do we get held up at a stop light at Friends with Benefits? Is it situational?
Drawing on my limited experiences in this area, I would say maybe.
In fact anytime I’ve found myself in this situation, it was never like, “YES, I only ever wanted to be this guy’s side piece!”
It just kind of happened. We were dating, but were never on the same page.
For me, I was a wounded dear in the wilderness while the Hunter came through. It wasn’t his fault I was a wounded dear with a broken heart. He wanted to be with me. I hopelessly tried to sew that damn heart back together (my sewing machine is constantly breaking). By the time I was really ready, my Hunter had pulled back his rifle, I mean his feelings, and somehow it was just physical by then.
I still maintain this has been one of my better relationships though. Bad Robby. Yes, we all know him. Yet no one really knows him.
Even though he got a nickname as “Bad,” he really isn’t bad at all.
I truly do care for him, and he knows that. No time or distance will change it. Yet we both know we were on two separate paths, traveling at different speeds like those damn trains in math class (reference “Chiro” post).
So sadly, I guess, this falls into a Friends with Benefits category.
No one got their heart broken, we enjoyed each others’ company for a few months, talked about life, love, philosophy, religion, business, finance and future. No one will quite “get” my former relationship or affinity for Robby, and that’s okay. Because Friends with Benefits is confusing.
Which leads me into my current situation. Grrr. I am emotionally invested in the present, which is entirely too difficult to write about! At least when I look back, it’s a very matter-of-fact hind site observation.
Maybe there are barriers or roadblocks that you both see so you have to proceed with caution? There aren’t red flags, though, so you continue down this road?
I just struggle seeing friends with benefits though. It’s like, “You’re in the Friendzone, but hot, so I’ll continue to keep you around.”
As one interviewee recently put it, “Either friends with benefits is really awesome, or it ends up sucking for one person.”
Thanks, Avery. I’m pretty sure this is only sucking for me right now. How do we get back to really awesome?
In summary, I am a hopeless romantic that loves Love so will continue to feel optimistic, yet have a realistic heart that I am probably on the corner of I’m Talking to Someone, and one stop away from Friendzone.
Published by Katie Jones